ihavetowakeup

 Ever been knocked down by life and told to "be strong" or "just get over it"? I have. For months after a major setback, I was stuck, facedown in what Brené Brown calls " the arena " . My first instinct wasn't to heal; it was to find a way to make the pain stop, and I was using a playbook that was guaranteed to keep me down. The 3 Ways We Sabotage Our Own Comeback After a fall, most of us run from the pain. We "off-load the hurt" in ways that feel productive but are deeply destructive . See if you recognize any of these: Chandeliering : You push your pain down so deep that a seemingly minor comment—from a coworker or even a stranger—makes you explode in a burst of rage or tears . Bouncing the Hurt : It’s much easier to be angry than to feel hurt, so you find someone or something to blame . It’s a quick fix that gives you a sense of control but corrodes your relationships . Numbing : You use anything to take the edge off the discomfort: wo...

 My story of coming back is just starting. I don't have all the answers, and I don't know the ending. But I've learned where the new beginning is. It’s not in pretending I'm okay. It's not in pushing through the pain. It starts in a much quieter, more difficult place: recognizing what I'm feeling. For the longest time, after being knocked down time and again, my first instinct was to get up and start swinging, or to numb the pain, or to find someone to blame. As researcher Brené Brown puts it, I was " off-loading hurt " . I would either: Chandelier : Pushing the pain down until a small, unrelated comment would send me into a rage . Bounce the hurt : My ego would jump in, blaming others to protect myself because it's so much easier to be angry than to admit "I'm hurt" . Numb it : Trying to make the discomfort go away with anything that offered quick relief, but as Brown notes, when we numb the dark emotions, we also numb the light ...