The Brutal Truth About Bouncing Back

 Ever been knocked down by life and told to "be strong" or "just get over it"? I have. For months after a major setback, I was stuck, facedown in what Brené Brown calls "the arena". My first instinct wasn't to heal; it was to find a way to make the pain stop, and I was using a playbook that was guaranteed to keep me down.

The 3 Ways We Sabotage Our Own Comeback

After a fall, most of us run from the pain. We "off-load the hurt" in ways that feel productive but are deeply destructive. See if you recognize any of these:

• Chandeliering: You push your pain down so deep that a seemingly minor comment—from a coworker or even a stranger—makes you explode in a burst of rage or tears.

• Bouncing the Hurt: It’s much easier to be angry than to feel hurt, so you find someone or something to blame. It’s a quick fix that gives you a sense of control but corrodes your relationships.

• Numbing: You use anything to take the edge off the discomfort: work, food, alcohol, or endless scrolling. But you can't selectively numb emotion; when you numb the pain, you also numb your ability to feel joy.

The Turning Point: It Starts with a Feeling

The real journey back doesn't start with a new plan. It begins with the radical act of standing still and acknowledging what you're feeling. Brené Brown calls this first step

"The Reckoning": recognizing your emotion and getting curious about it.

This isn't about wallowing; it's about awareness. You don't even have to name the emotion perfectly. Just noticing "my stomach is in knots" or "I feel overwhelmed" is enough. Feeling distress is not a sign that you aren't resilient; it's a core part of the recovery process.

Rewrite Your Story, Own Your Ending

Why is this so important? Because when we're hurt, our brain's first instinct is to make up a story to explain what happened. This "Stormy First Draft" is almost never the full truth; it's a narrative written by fear and shame.

By recognizing the emotion, you can start to

"Rumble" with that story. You get to question it, challenge your assumptions, and find the gap between what your fear is telling you and what the truth actually is.

This is how you take back your power. When you own your story of struggle, you stop being a character—not a victim, not a villain—and become the author. My comeback is still a work in progress, but I now know it began the moment I found the courage to feel